Sayuri's Book of Things to Throw Away
by Adalmeri Gallant
Summary: If in Naruto world, keep all limbs in the vehicle to avoid getting them chopped off for the sake of somebody's tragic backstory. To survive, become a main character by any means necessary. Wow people with your personality, form wholesome relationships, affirm that the plot cannot progress without your constant commentary. And when that doesn't work, there's always stealing! OC
1. Kunai

**01: Kunai**

* * *

Kunai feel very strange.

I never really thought about it, but they're completely ridiculous in construction. A long, overweight blade attached to a stupid looking pommel and -

As a person who had seen them but never _held _them, I could live in blissful ignorance as I watched seemingly gifted ninja slice and dice enemies on TV. But as a assassin-in-training who was actually expected to use the abomination that dared to call itself a weapon, I sighed in frustration every time the academy instructor handed me five, told me to aim at the targets, and "try my best."

I knew my best. I was raised as the daughter of two military parents, sister of an expert hunter, and granddaughter of a WWII veteran. I knew how to aim regardless of revolver, rifle, 9 mm, or submachine. I knew how to carve up a body to insure no survival within seconds and rope it up to dry. I knew how to make small bombs and remote-operated explosions if given the right tools.

I could probably kill every person in the academy building within two hours and get away with it scot-free. _That _was my best.

Of course, that was in another life, another time, and another world.

Which leads me to once again sigh as every kunai missed its target because I was stuck in a fictional world that obviously couldn't develop an efficient weapon to save its life.

Why, oh God _why_, do ninja use kunai as throwing weapons? It would be so much more useful if used as a gardening tool or wood carving knife or masonry building instrument or anything other than a way to kill someone. All those would be so much more effective a use, but _nooooo_.

The fact that this world seemingly universally accepts the notion of "Let's take this obviously made for domestic use tool and throw it at somebody!" baffles me and makes me worried for everyone's intelligence.

Evolution must have traded chakra for functional brain cells.

"Uta-chan, I'm sorry to say you get zero points for that."

Well I'm sorry to say you're going to die in the next village attack!

* * *

My name is Uta Sayuri, except it's not. I was born the daughter of a merchant and a housewife, except I wasn't. I joined the ninja academy to defend my village, except I didn't.

In all honesty, the only reason I'm going through this torture called "learning" was to hopefully one day become a main character.

Yeah, I'm selfish and manipulative, get used to it. You're probably not all sunshine and rainbows either, hypocrite.

It's not like I want to be friends with any of the other protagonists or anything (oh god, my brain would _explode _if I had to deal with all of their emotional baggage and friendship speeches). It's just that...Look, I'm in the Naruto world, see? And Naruto's an anime that's made quite a name for itself because people tend to die horrifically and before their time.

Who's spared from this awful fate, you ask? Why, the ever essential main characters, of course!

...

Okay, maybe not _all_ of them, but _still_.

Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that whether people like it or not, Uta Sayuri is going to be a main character even if I have to take some poor sucker's place to do it. And now that I think about it, Naruto and Sasuke are both in the academy, but I haven't seen a head of pink hair in our class...

Score!

Oh, uh, I'm sorry, I mean - _Oh no! Whatever happened to Sakura? I sure do hope she's okay and registers for classes soon so that she can still be a part of Team 7 -_

Pah. Who am I kidding.

No hate to Sakura - that girl is smart, resourceful, and grows up to be a strong and respectable woman considering all the crap she has to go through just because she was put on a team with Mr. Avenger and Mr. Avenger's Best Friend slash Possible Pining Gay Stalker.

I may or may not have convinced her parents into letting her attend the academy two years early. You know, to learn stuff faster since she was already at a disadvantage being a civilian and all. It was enough to insure she wouldn't be placed on a team (especially with Mr. My Best Friend Died Because of a Rock but He Didn't and In the Future He'll be a Terrorist) that would only give her a harder life.

It would also give her a higher risk of dying because she might not be a main character anymore, but sacrifices must be made. And I must force people to make them.

Yes, I'm playing God. I'm playing the reckless, childish God.

How does it feel, you ask scathingly as you look in disgust at my immature life decisions.

Pretty good, I reply with a wide smile and tongue sticking out.

* * *

Hey, I never said I was a nice person. In fact, I'm probably that one person you _never _want to meet in your life.

Maybe that's why I was murdered and got reborn in a world that can probably kill me at any moment.

That is, if I hadn't completely screw over the reincarnation process and keep all my memories. How did I do that? The world may never know.

Oh? You want to know how I died, too?

_Rude._

* * *

A big confusion Naruto fans often wonder about is how Naruto had failed the genin exam three times when he was the same age as everyone else. In all honesty, it's no big mystery, and if you've ever taken a high school AP exam, you know how it works.

Genin exams, much like chunin exams and jounin exams, don't have a set age or experience restriction. People can take it any time they want, so long as they think they're ready. That means people who have never even gone to the academy can become a genin - Naruto was an idiot and tried to pass it three times before he even turned seven.

It also explains why by my second year in the academy I decided to stop going and be home schooled.

Loop holes! Got to love them.

My parents were actually quite happy about it. Before, they were worried about me getting hurt while training or learning things inappropriate for children (truth is, I'm mentally over twenty-two and probably already know more dirty things than precious mommy and daddy ever will in their lifetime- thanks internet).

With me out of class, they stopped being concerned and fully embraced my "curious" and "brave" attitude towards "individual improvement." Hey, what can I say? Dad was a merchant who learned through trial and error to master his trade without any training - he loved me being adventurous and not following the system.

I swear, I could overthrow the Hokage and my dad would just cheer for me "sticking it to the man."

From that point on, my family actually decided to leave Konoha now that there wasn't really anything tying us down anymore. It wasn't hard; dad was a merchant and had been begging for his wife and daughter to join his travels years before I quit the academy.

We made stops all over the world, and I somehow managed to learn things from all over the world, too. It wasn't too hard; there are senseis for hire everywhere, willing to teach anybody techniques that would for sure help them in life instead of wasting time teaching other subjects the academy required me to take like math and science (all of which I probably knew more about than even the smartest people in the world, considering I'm in a sense from the future). Dad made more money, mom got an adventure, and guess what?

_I never had to touch a kunai ever again._

* * *

**A/N: **Sayuri's not a good person. In fact, she's quite terrible - the type to kick you while you're down and pour acid down your pants if you don't get up fast enough. I essentially made her by combining every single one of my bad qualities, every single act I've wanted to do but couldn't find the nerve to, and every single insult I've wanted to say into a human form.

In this chapter, we explore how easy it is for Sayuri to abandon things that other people may think of as essential - for instance, her education. The way she saw it, if there was a more effective method of doing things, then she can stop what she's doing cold-turkey and pursue the other way. If kind of makes you wonder how she treats people in comparison.

**_Cultural_ _Notes_**_:_ I swear on my life, kunai were originally made for domestic use. My parents actually own them and use them as masonry tools - we use them to slather on concrete when building brick walls. It can be used in martial arts as a weapon, but you have to remember than almost all ninja weapons were originally farming tools that were adapted. Naruto (and the concept of ninjutsu in general) exaggerates its capabilities and makes it a common murder weapon, which I find hilarious.


	2. Clone Jutsu

**02: Clone Jutsu**

* * *

The Clone Jutsu is worthless - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. It might seem cool at first, until you realize that it's basically an illusion and the other yous can't do anything but confuse the enemy for probably less than a second. If you're facing a low-level enemy, it could come in handy, but what if you meet a ninja that can completely flood the battlefield in water? Or burn everything in sight to a crisp?

It won't matter how many of you there are in that moment, because they will find you and kill you with one single move while you stand there thinking _but my academy teachers tested me on this!_

The education system in Konoha sucks.

But I still passed the genin test, so props to me.

"Team Seven: Uzumaki Naruto, Uchiha Sasuke, and Uta Sayuri."

Woohoo, I totally didn't see _that _coming.

On to the next step: lunch.

In other words, me forcing the boys to get together and _try to act like a team you childish little brats_.

I rubbed my temples. "I honestly don't see what's so hard about this. All you two need to do is chew food and maybe say a few words in between each grease-filled bite. _What is so hard about this?_"

Naruto laughed awkwardly at the venomous look I sent them while still trying to sneak in a few glares at Sasuke. "Ehehe, Sayuri-chan, you don't understand! We've hated each other since forever and -"

"I don't _care_," I interrupted, "I'm not asking you to spontaneously like each other. Trust me, I've only properly talked to you for this lunch break and I _already _hate both of you. But at least act like a team, because guess what? We are one."

"Three-man pods will only slow me down," Sasuke muttered, looking away from us, "We don't need teamwork, we just have to deal with each other until we become chunin."

"Yeah, yeah!" Naruto agreed, but he looked far more nervous and I could tell he was grabbing onto straws to try to make me less threatening. "So don't worry, Sayuri-chan! We'll be out of your hair before you know it!"

I sighed. "Would both of you stop acting like kids and understand what's actually going on here? Do you really think you'll be able to become genin, let alone chunin, when you can't even cooperate with people you don't like? Even _I _can do that, which says something about your social skills."

Sasuke scoffed. "We're already genin, idiot, though I'm not sure how dead last over there made it," he ignored the indignant "HEY!" directed towards him, "Don't you remember passing the test?"

I scowled at the insult, clenching my hand to stop myself from uppercutting him into the tree behind him. "We live in a world of lies."

"What?"

I explained. Slowly. "You're not in the academy anymore - or, at least, you don't _think _you are for now. This is the ninja world, and it's filled with catches, misinformation, and fine print. If you're certain about something, odds are you're wrong." Unless you're me, of course. But I'm important and special and I'm going to _make sure they know it_ so they never dare doubt Uta Sayuri _ever again_.

Sasuke sighed, probably brushing off my warning as a bluff. "Whatever, I'm leaving." He picked up his lunch and stalked off to who knows where.

I growled and called out to him as he left. "If you ever find yourself buried up to your neck, don't expect me to dig you out!"

He grunted a "Hn."

Oh, he is _so _going to regret this!

"Hey, don't mind him," Naruto said to me once Sasuke was out of earshot. I blinked and turned back to the blond - for a second I thought he had left, too. He had sure looked scared enough to run away from me just a few moments before. "He's always like that, proud and mean. I don't understand what people see in him."

I huffed. "They see an Uchiha."

"And you don't?" he asked.

Oh, right. I just randomly appeared in the classroom today without any explanation. For all Naruto knew, I could've just been any other graduate that he didn't pay attention to. "I've been away from Konoha for years now. I don't see anything in anybody."

At once, his eyes seemed to light up. "Then! Then! What do you see in me, right now? Without living here, what do you see in me?"

...

...

...

"Someone annoying." I deadpanned.

The conversation ended awkwardly there, and I almost laughed at the abruptness.

What? Did you expect me to be _nice _to him?

Please, I believe in honesty.

* * *

I never said my social skills were good_. _Or even adequate, for that manner.

I only said that Naruto and Sasuke were probably ten times more inept than I was.

What a team.

* * *

"So was there a reason for that question, or did you just want to start a conversation by any means possible, even if it didn't make sense," I asked Naruto as I juggled the timer from one hand to another. Hm, we were almost out of time...

Naruto blinked. "What question?"

"When you asked what I saw in you."

"...Oh," and at this, he gave a self-deprecating smile, "It's nothing..."

"You're lying. Things that don't make sense usually mean something. You're usually so caught up in how to phrase it exactly right that you tend to mess up the wording and make a fool of yourself because you wanted it to be perfect. That's why people often laugh at the things that mean a lot to you - because you can't communicate their worth - because nobody else can understand how important they are," I rest my cheek against the palm of my hand and yawned lazily, by now only twirling the clock between the five fingers of my right hand.

"It's so stupid," I sighed, "People get so self-destructive when they want meaningful answers from the people around them, even though the opinions of others in the end are pretty much meaning_less_. And yet, here we are, trapped in this cycle. So, what got you so bothered yesterday at my response? Tell me so that we can get this out of the way and you can learn to stop idiotically depending on others for establish your self-worth."

"...I don't understand," Naruto mumbled, eyes squinted in confusion as he stared at me sitting above the pole he was tied to.

Figures.

I hit him with the clock.

"How. Do. The villagers who live here. See. You," I stated slowly to try to get through his thick head.

"Oh! Why didn't you just say so?"

I did, genius.

"They don't like me, is all."

It was a wise career decision not to become a counselor. If I had chosen to be one, I may have murdered every one of my clients out of frustration. Really, was it _that _difficult to explain feelings? Just spit it out! How can someone who usually vomits out words like they were rotten food get so exasperatingly vague when he talks about emotions?

Not everyone can be as bluntly honest as you, you say critically, sneer on face in the wake of my personality. In fact, you're so honest about your feelings most of the time it's downright insulting.

And here is where I explain the point of _rhetorical questions _and how I don't want you to answer them because I don't care about what you have to say.

You and I really need to get on the same wavelength, dear.

I groaned as I palmed my face. "Okay, I won't pursue it. I don't think I'm drunk enough to listen to you with a straight face, anyway." I glanced down at the timer again, noting how it was almost noon. "Let's just pass this test and do this another day, then."

"Oh? And how are you so sure you'll pass?"

Stupid ninjas and their stupid Body Flicker.

I glared at Kakashi for a moment, but then lowered my gaze to the dirt on his vest and burst out laughing. "Oh my god, you used the Headhunter Jutsu, didn't you? Sasuke's going to _hate _me for telling him that was going to happen!" I snorted through my screaming laughs.

Kakashi raised an amused eyebrow at me. "I'm surprised you could tell just by the state of my clothes."

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I can do stuff like that - don't ask for an explanation how because I'll just lie. Hey, you _do _know that jutsu's actually an interrogation technique, right? And that the whole point is for you do slice off the person's head after everything's done? Did you do that? Because it might make passing this teamwork test a bit difficult if own of our members is dead."

Naruto gaped at the information.

"No, I didn't," Kakashi narrowed his eyes, "But if you knew this was a teamwork test from the beginning, why didn't you ask for the other two's cooperation?"

"I did. Yesterday." I cocked my head to the side. "It didn't work back then, and I seriously doubt it will work out twenty-four hours afterwards. Plus, it's funny watching them scramble after you. Double-plus, I kind of wanted to fight you alone."

Kakashi glared. "Then you realize you have already made me decide you fail this test."

"We'll see about that," I smiled. "But in the meantime, since it's established that we never really needed the bells to pass so long as we worked together, and since we failed oh-so-horribly at that, why don't I just go all out right now and not worry about trying to get those pesky little noise-makers?"

I checked the time again. "Three minutes until it goes off. That should be enough time for me to have some fun."

"Are you sure about that?" Kakashi formed the standard hand seals for the Clone Jutsu. Immediately, over thirty Kakashi's appeared in the clearing, shocking Naruto into a gasp. "Try finding me first, if you have enough time," they all said, bringing out kunai in a lazy position.

I sighed. "You wound me, sensei, to underestimate me enough to use that technique." I tapped Naruto on the head, drawing his attention to me, and grinned down.

"You know how you were so sad about not being able to do the Clone Jutsu?"

He blinked. "Uh, yeah?"

"Well don't worry too much about it." My grin turned twisted as my hands moved into fluid positions. "Because Clone Jutsu is absolutely useless against someone who deserves to be called a ninja.

"Earth Style: Muddy Indulgence!"

The ground broke, the nearby lake drained itself, mud exploded from cracks in geysers, the Earth itself softened and lowered and caved in under the push of my power. Naruto yelped as he desperately tried to keep his clothes clean and every Kakashi clone dispelled in a single second, leaving only one jounin before me sloshing around before the mud hardened and trapped him in place from the shoulders up.

Sitting cross-legged upon the pole, safe from even a speck of filth, I cackled abrasively as the timer rang across the field, its sonorous call still paling in comparison to my voice.

My name is Uta Sayuri. I'm important. I'm a main character.

I won't die.

* * *

**A/N: **On the topic of emotions, Sayuri recognizes she has Alexithymia. In other words, she doesn't generally feel intense emotions (or at least cannot distinguish them) and cannot relate to other people or appreciate _their_ emotions. This occurs in 10% of the population. She also has other psychological imbalances that are related to -or even cause_- _her inability to empathize with others (Hedgehog's Dilemma, Death Anxiety, Superiority Complex, etc), but that's explored at another time.

Sayuri knows that she can't feel, has accepted it, and has made it a part of who she is. Does that make her actions and thoughts acceptable? Of course not. But it explains _why _she can live with no remorse for them.

**_Jutsu Notes_****: **Muddy Indulgence is an actual jutsu used by Fuka in the anime. It's called Mud Silhouette in the English dub, but I believe somewhere it's referred to as Mud Indulgence and that name just sounds so cool! It's proud and just a tad bit dirty-sounding, which I think matches Sayuri well.


	3. Interlude 1

**Interlude I**

* * *

Kakashi honestly didn't know what to expect of Uta Sayuri's parents. The girl was strange -intelligent, resourceful, and energetic, but strange. Naturally, the parents must be equally as eccentric, right?

The problem was they weren't.

Uta Sachiko was a kind woman. She opened the front door and, after a quick introduction, graciously asked him to join her for a morning tea. Uta Ran joined them only seconds after his wife called for him, his eyes alight with earnest gratitude.

"We're so happy for our daughter!" Sachiko beamed. "This has been her dream since she was little. You should've been there - day in and day out _ninja, ninja, ninja_!"

The husband laughed as he settled down at the table. "In all honesty, I thought travelling and getting away from a hidden village would mellow her out, but she just got creative. No matter where we went or who we met, one way or another she managed to learn a new skill or new information. It was actually very inspiring."

"I heard you left the village when she was only five years old," Kakashi started, "Was she that driven, even at such a young age? Most kids think more of having fun with their friends than travelling the world training."

At this, Sachiko shook her head pleasantly. "It may sound strange, but I think Sayuri genuinely thinks training _is_ having fun. She's so happy when she practices. Haven't you seen the smile on her face?"

Kakashi had, many a time. Though, it wasn't exactly an innocent smile of a child having fun - more of a pyromaniac learning a new way to blow things up. "And friends?" he pushed.

"I don't need friends," came a voice from the front door. "I have my parents. That's enough."

Everyone turned to see Sayuri practically shoving herself through the doorway, legs not fully functioning and face red with exertion. But...she looked happy. Like the simple fact of being home was joyous.

Ran smiled a large grin. "Honey, welcome home! How was your morning?"

"Fine, except for this ache in my arms," she groaned as she stretched, and it was only then Kakashi noticed the worn shovel in her hand. Sayuri blinked at his curious look, and then her face turned playfully sour. "Mom and dad found out about how I flooded the training ground with mud. My punishment is to clean everything up by hand. I've been digging every morning for the past week."

...What?

"You...realize there are easier ways, right?" Kakashi asked, turning to the parents with concern, "There are many skilled ninja who could clear the field up within minutes with jutsu."

The mother shook her head. "My daughter created the mess, and if there is one thing the Uta family believes in, it's to handle their own problems without the help of others."

"Another thing the Uta family believes in is making their daughter work like a mule," Sayuri teased as she limped over to the table, kissing her father on the cheek and waving at her mother.

Ran laughed. "Go take a shower, honey. You reek."

"Who's fault is that?!" she yelled, but she still retreated upstairs after saying a quick hello to Kakashi.

Kakashi, for his part, didn't know what to say.

"Our daughter is strange, I assume you think," Ran read Kakashi's thoughts, and he chuckled at the poker face Kakashi took on, "There's no reason to hide your thoughts. You're not the first person to think this way. She's...independent, extremely motivated, but also has a very harsh attitude. It's not something you'd expect from a child of a well-off, normal family."

Sachiko continued. "Sayuri is all those things, but she is also our child, and we can see that despite all her autonomy, she is also in need of support." Her eyes grew a bit sad. "Kakashi-san, her psyche's very delicate. She constantly worries about her importance in the world, thinks about death far too often for a twelve-year-old, and finds it hard to connect with people because, for some reason even we can't understand, people don't feel _real _to her."

"Sounds like the problems of an existentialist," Kakashi analyzed.

"They aren't problems a _child _should have," Sachiko glared at the table, "I learned long ago, though, that those problems are a part of who she is. She's been like this since she was very little, and I can't possibly attempt to protect her, to pretend that those things don't matter when they obviously do for her."

Ran nodded. "We can only support her. We can only say that we love her with all our hearts. We can only hope that that means something to her."

And at this, Kakashi thought of the playful but caring way Sayuri treated her parents in the brief moments he'd seen them together. The honest smile on her face, the hidden giggles of actual happiness in her voice, the kiss on the cheek and sleep, trusting wave of the hand.

It was so, so different from the way she treated everyone else. It was so different from the rudely honest, yet at the same time chillingly guarded Sayuri that he had previously known. Different from the Sayuri that treated things as if they were a game. Different from the Sayuri that threw anything and everything away.

He looked at Uta Sachiko and Uta Ran.

"I think...doing that is enough."

Yes, Sayuri treated them differently...which meant that the two in front of him may be the only things that matter to her in the whole entire world.

But...why?

* * *

"Because they're my parents," Sayuri answered bluntly after her shower was done and she was walking Kakashi home.

"There's more to it than that," Kakashi pushed, knowing that there was a trigger somewhere inside that confusing mind of hers just ready to be pulled.

Sayuri stayed silent, a smile curving onto her face. Kakashi's eye widened in shock.

It was the smile of an innocent child.

"Perhaps because..._they are the parents I always wanted_."

And she said it as if she'd had her heart broken a long, long time ago.

* * *

**A/N: **"I don't need friends. I have my parents. That's enough." And with that, more about Sayuri's messed up psyche is revealed. We also get a glimpse at her parents, two adults trying to raise another adult. For what it's worth, they're doing a very, very good job. The Uta parents are understanding, patient, but still believe in guiding Sayuri because she indeed needs quite a lot of guidance. They aren't afraid to punish her when she does things wrong, but they do it to make her a better person, and I think that's exactly the type of care Sayuri needs.

She is...surprisingly dependent on them, don't you think?

Hints of Sayuri's past life will appear more and more often, but they'll be hard to translate at first. It actually plays a very big part in the story, so you might want to pay attention.


	4. Saviors

The chapters from this point on will unfortunately be slow in the making. I have classes to teach during the summer, and I'm also working at my university's labs to conduct more research. In conjunction to longer wait periods, though, the story will start getting darker bit by bit, as seen by how Sayuri's moved on from _Kunai _to _Saviors _in her book of things she believes she's better off without.

* * *

**03: Saviors**

* * *

Of course we passed. Did you really think I made sure Sakura graduated two years before me just to fail the exams and lose my chance at becoming a main character? Fat chance, that's my job security on the line right there.

But for now, I wouldn't need a guarantee to insure I'm safe from death. Actually, from the looks of things, I don't think I could die from my job anytime in the near future.

Oh no, this paint can be poisonous if swallowed. Dear lord, how shall I ever survive babysitting a small child - what if he runs with _scissors_? God have mercy, this cat may bite me and infect me with rabies!

I could probably die. Yeah. If I purposely tried to off myself. Which I might. Because it's so **_boring_**.

But it wouldn't stay that way for long, hopefully.

"Tazuna! You look as healthy as ever - and by that I mean totally tipsy and about ready to die at any moment! How's Tsunami?" I smiled as I nonchalantly held up a few fingers and waved them in from of the old man's face to see if he could follow them well enough to count the digits.

"She's been...two?"

I pray to God he survives the hangover he'll have in the morning. Really, I do.

(But if he doesn't, do I still get to fight Zabuza? Because if I do I'm totally fine with him keeling over right now.)

"Sayuri-chan, you know this man?" Kakashi asked casually while trying to hold back Naruto from killing Tazuna because he called him short.

"We've met," I said, turning back to the team and the Hokage, "My dad's a merchant, right? So we've made a few stops at the Wave Country in the past. It was a pretty important trading stop. Very nice place, last time we visited a few years ago - it had a bright future."

I hid a smile when Tazuna flinched.

Making people uncomfortable was the greatest hobby ever.

* * *

I honestly have a horrible personality - I admit it wholly and completely. It's not something that set in because of trauma from dying or anything, either. I was just born a pain in the side.

My parents didn't know me growing up since they were busy fighting in the war. The first time we properly met, I was already seven years old and used to living life without them. Which meant I wasn't very keen to the idea of two strangers barging into it.

They tried to deal with me for a whopping grand total of two months - I think they deserve the best parents award for that achievement - before I was kicked out (not that I wanted to stay anyway) and made to living with my grandfather and later on my older brother.

We had a strained relationship, to say the least. But if there was one thing I learned from living with them, it was that my charming demeanor was without a doubt hereditary.

* * *

Shockingly, I spent most of the time while we were walking out of the village talking to Sasuke. Should I consider this a victory?

Even more shockingly, he was the one to start the conversation with the awkward start "How did you know Kakashi would bury me?"

Way to ask an important question two weeks too late, genius.

I tilted my head, considering how to answer. "Do you want a lie, or do you want a lie so believable that you can convince yourself to believe it since your mind is too small to think of other possibilities?"

"Is there an honest bone in your body?" he growled.

"Excuse you; I'm fairly honest all things considered. Didn't I just inform you that I will lie no matter what? I think that's very sincere." I smiled and looked over to the side. Oh look, a puddle. How cute. "Besides, we're ninja. It's our _job _to lie."

I brought the conversation back on topic.

"But if you're really that much of a goody-two-shoes, I'll tell the truth. I'm actually from another world, but I was sent to yours after I died and got lost in the reincarnation system, thus allowing me to keep my memories and know the future of this world because in my world the reality you know is nothing but a work of mere fiction made to entertain and suck in the money of small-minded children and even smaller-minded adults." I took a breath. "Did you get all that?"

"That's a lie."

Well, you can't say I didn't try.

I smiled. "By the way, after you were buried, how did you get out?"

"I used a kunai to dig myself out. They're really good for softening dirt-" Gardening and masonry, people. Gardening and masonry. "-But when I was almost free, a sudden landslide buried me again."

...I regret nothing.

Sasuke peered suspiciously at my poker face. "You wouldn't know anything about how that happened, would you?"

"How would you know that I had anything to do with it?" I teased.

"Because," here he paused, "I heard you. In the earth."

I stopped walking, choking on laughter at his statement. "Wow, what's the story behind that?"

"When I was reburied ," Sasuke started, his hands making gestures the way people do when they're trying to explain something difficult to describe and feel the need to move to make sense, "There was a voice in the world, and I felt it and for some reason I thought it was you." He glared at me. "I should've known it was my imagination - there's no way an amateur like you could do something like that."

"And, pray tell, what did the voice say?" I played along.

"..."

"Well?" I pushed.

Sasuke opened his mouth hesitantly.

"_Why didn't you save me_?"

"That's a lie," I deadpanned, copying Sasuke's reaction from before.

I could practically see the anime tic-mark appearing by Sasuke's head. "Is not!"

"Could you try to be more convincing next time you fib? Something less cheesy - like dying and being reborn in a cartoon world with psychic powers. You know, something _believable _," I grinned sarcastically.

"You - ugh, forget it, idiot," Sasuke growled.

I felt the warm splatter of Kakashi's blood hit my cheek.

Oh, right, Demon Brothers!

"Alright, storytelling time's over. Enemy ninja spotted; let's go!" I quickly forgot the conversation in my excitement, flicking out my dear little aikuchi dagger from its sheath and parrying away the chain directed at my face.

I pushed chakra to my left foot for a boost of speed, angling my body towards the ground as I approached the first enemy who stood ready for a front attack. I snickered at the pathetic attempt at defense. Oh please, I'm using an _aikuchi_, do you really think I'd be stupid enough to even have one if I didn't know how to use it the way it's supposed to?

AKA: for trolling?

Education time: Aikuchi are fairly harmless blades, you see. They do little damage and focus more on speed and agility than pure power.

So if you meet a girl charging at you with one, don't expect her to play fair.

"Down low!" I mock warned as I hit the ground shoulder-first and used the chakra boost's speed to slide right in between the guy's legs, bringing up my blade to slice through the unprotected tendons of his right inner knee as he froze in shock, not prepared for my attack plan. As his body shifted with the lack of leg support, I quickly switched hands and _jammed the nine inch blade into the other side_.

Oh yeah, _that _was satisfying after months of pulling out weeds.

It was over with a scream and a thump, and I wiped the blood and dust away from my eyes to see that Kakashi had reappeared and taken care of the other ninja. I got off the ground and straddled my immobile prey from the back, taking care to break his hands by slamming my feet onto them at awkward angles, before carefully bringing the tip top point of my weapon to the back of his neck.

Why not the front? Now let me ask you, what's scarier? A blade you can see, or a black that you can't? Don't you feel more secure when you can judge the distance between your neck and certain death? And isn't it far more scarier when all you feel is the teasing caress of only the point poking every so often right above your spinal bone? So close that it could shave the hairs that are sticking up from fear?

I grinned with morbid glee.

_Why didn't you save me_?

Aaaaannnnddd then I frowned at the unwelcome interruption. Ugh.

I looked down at him, eyes just a tad bit moody. "Hey hey, do you want to hear a joke? My teammate over there thinks he heard me crying for help. Isn't it a laugh?" I murmured as I casually pressed the aikuchi a little more forcefully against skin and tried not to lose focus when I heard a gasp.

Oh look, he was shaking! Wasn't that just adorable? But you know what was annoying? I couldn't even properly enjoy it because of those two stupid words that wouldn't leave my head for some reason!

"I mean, honestly, do I look like I need any saving? There's only one time I've ever been helpless, and that still worked out fine -

"Wait, no, it didn't work out fine. I kind of died as a result, actually. Dying's not considered fine by most people -"

He grunted as I accidentally drew blood when I paused and had a frustrating argument with _myself _of all people.

"Well, okay, maybe it didn't work out ex_-actly_ fine. But I still never cried out to be saved! You ever tried to scream and weep with a limited air supply? It doesn't really feel good, so I didn't do it. So that voice couldn't possibly have been me, right?" I asked him.

Somewhere beneath me, I heard a moan. I rolled my eyes at his response. "Oh, what do _you_ know?" and then I rammed the handle into his pressure point and felt his body go lax.

No, I was _not _pouting.

"I don't need a savior," I muttered as I got off and turned back to my teammates, arms crossed and feet stomping as I made my way over. "Everything worked out fine without one."

_No it didn't._

Oh, shut up.

* * *

**A/N: **So something happened while I was writing this chapter and I kind of went a little overboard with Sayuri's personality, haha. I tried to cut some melodrama out and edit scenes so that they weren't so sadistic, but strangely enough I like her like this. I mean, honestly, if you knew the world you lived in was nothing but "fiction," would you treat it seriously? I certainly would just have as much fun as possible; Sayuri just happens to think hurting people constitutes as _fun_.

_**Cultural Notes**__: _Aikuchi swords are a kind of tanto, but they're shorter than most and have very little actual power. They're not meant to stab into somebody's leg, in other words. But Sayuri obviously doesn't follow neither rules nor even logic, so odds are she's going to use her weapon the wrong way even though she knows how to properly handle it. Just please don't use swords like she does. It's a bad idea.


End file.
